Moved.

I made the decision to transition my blogging to wordpress - so if you want to continue following my mamahood journey, go check out my new domain!

http://myfletchlife.wordpress.com

Hello June!

Time goes by fast when you're having fun! Or when you're preparing for a baby to arrive. The months have been flying by faster than I can remember what day it is. May was a busy month, actually who am I kidding - it seems like every month has been a busy month. June is definitely not an exception - if anything it's about to be crazy in the Fletcher household this month. Excitement, anxiety and fatigue has been the common feelings as we anticipate for Adela. Well, except for Rylan - he has been absolutely positive and excited during this entire pregnancy with no signs of worry. Oh to be young and be filled with only joy again. 

As we bid May away & welcome June, I wanted to share with all of you some of the adventures we had. If you follow me in any of my social networking sites - I'm sure you'd seen some of them but if not, then here is your chance :) 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you don't know who Tori Kelly, then you're missing out. She is an amazing artist that I have been following since she started on YouTube doing covers. Matt & I not only got to have a date during the week (thanks to a generous friend of mine for babysitting our little guy) but we thoroughly enjoyed the show.

If you follow me on Instagram, I have mentioned all the great opportunities that God has blessed me with. One of them is getting connected and meeting this beautiful lady here. She is the founder of Free Citizen Co. - she along with a couple of her friends came to Seattle for vacation and we were lucky enough to grab brunch & chat. It was so lovely & I am truly excited for all the amazing things God is utilizing her passion and talent to spread His greatness. 

We have been so thankful for the blessings in our life. Matt getting promoted has definitely been one of them. With it has had some downfalls though. Our days off no longer align and with a lot of the focus on getting ready for Adela, we haven't had much time together. We contemplated for a little bit whether we wanted to go on a baby moon - well we decided for it and it was definitely the best decision. Orcas Island was stunning & although the amount of things to do there was limited (especially being 34 weeks pregnant) we had a great time. We talked, laughed, ate, went on a mini hike and got to see God's beautiful creations. I know I can be quite a pain in the butt especially during this pregnancy - but this man has been the most patient and loving towards me and truly has been such a great leader for our family. How did I get to be so lucky?

 Sunset at North Beach in Orcas Island

 Mount Consitution

Deception Pass 

MY BEST FRIEND IS GETTING MARRIED! Her fiance proposed to her during their trip to Venice & I am so excited for this new chapter for them. When they got back from their trip, we had lunch and it was so great to catch up, hear about their trip and engagement. 

So many adventures with my special little man as we get closer to meeting Adela. The worry that he will feel less loved when she's here has been a constant fear of mine & I've been trying to make sure both Matt and I continue loving on him. There have been challenging moments with him, but for the most part he has been so good! I enjoy all our mini adventures, especially when it means taking trips to get bubbla tea, or in some instances Jamba Juice. 

Guys! I am 35 weeks into this pregnancy! It is almost time for her to be here. So many things to do and there never seems to be enough time in the day. The baby shower is this weekend and I can't wait to celebrate this bundle of joy with all our friends and family. So thankful for my sissy & brudder for putting the baby shower together <3 

Pregnancy Q&A

I get asked plenty of questions in regards to my pregnancy journey and everything else in between related to motherhood. I don't expect everyone to read my blog, but I figure if you somehow stumble your way on here then here are a few questions I've pulled from direct messages, comments and conversations I've had! Mind you, these are my own personal experiences/opinions - every woman & pregnancy is different so I am not answering for the rest of the women/mothers out there, just myself.

Is this pregnancy different from your first? Oh, it's completely different. My pregnancy with Rylan from what I can remember was easy breezy. I have felt just about every symptom a pregnant lady could have throughout my pregnancy.

How are you feeling? Exhausted. My entire body aches almost all the time & carrying around this baby girl inside of me has definitely taken it's toll on me. Pregnancy insomnia has kicked in really hard the past couple of weeks, so sleep has been scarce for me. But I love taking naps during the day, with me being on the go so much - it's been very much needed especially because I'm limited to how many cups of coffee I can have lol.

Is Matt excited? He better be! just kidding, slightly. Of course he's excited. The day we found out we were pregnant, he even teared up. He's definitely embracing this pregnancy & the coming of our baby girl.

How does Rylan feel about being a big brother? Is he excited? I'm not exactly sure to what extent he has really grasped the idea of what it's going to mean for him to be a big brother but he's definitely shown his excitement. For a few years now he's been asking me when he's gonna get a little brother or sister so he's definitely ready. He talks to my belly, hugs it & kisses it all the time.

Are you scared? I'm not sure if I'd say I'm scared, but I definitely feel anxious about what the experience of child birth will be like this time. Because the pregnancy has been so rough, I do worry that labor and delivery will be just as hard. My pregnancy with Rylan, spoiled me because he really was just so easy.

How do you think you'll handle having both a newborn and a 7 year old? Do you think the age gap will be a problem? Since finding out I was pregnancy, I was really adamant about doing our best to always keep Rylan involved during the pregnancy, and setting up things he could do around our home to help out mom & dad. He was there with us during my ultrasound when we found out the sex of the baby and anyway he can be of help to mommy whenever baby is getting a little too rambunctious inside I ask for his assistance. He's been so helpful and has really started to take on the role of big brother in certain areas. I can foresee that there will be a point where they will be in different stages in life, but I think he will do amazing at being a big brother. Just like with any siblings, I'm sure they will have their moments of disagreements, but I'm not too worried.

Have you bought a lot of maternity clothes during your pregnancy? I've bought the essentials, but really most of the items I wear are non-maternity. I had to buy maternity jeans, because let's be real trying to squeeze into non-maternity jeans can be a pain and the over the belly support that my maternity jeans provide is amazing. Luckily, prior to being pregnant I wore pretty loose fit and over-sized clothing so I didn't really have to buy a lot of new clothes. Definitely had to invest in new bras and undies though that's for sure.

How have you and your husband incorporated your faith in raising Rylan and preparing for your new child? In every opportunity we can. When I became a Christian, before my husband and I got married, I made it very clear that I wanted to raise Rylan and my future kids incorporating my Christian beliefs and life style. I also know that there's more to it than just feeding them with knowledge but also living out what we are trying to teach to them (which that in itself can be very difficult). Children are like sponges, they pay attention to what we do as parents more than we realize. Rylan knows that we will all make mistakes, that we do things sometimes that hurt others and even ourselves. We've also explained to him that relying on ourselves often leads us back to where we started and that we really need to seek His guidance and help. We pray with him constantly and definitely allow him to lead prayer when he feels comfortable. As a parent, you hope whatever you try to instill in your children sticks. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. One thing that shows me he's paying attention & really taking into heart what we're trying to teach him, is the fact that he is usually one of the first people to rebuke me in my sin nature and give me the same talk we give him. Praise Jesus for His good works, because He is definitely doing amazing things in my little guy's heart.

How did you think of the name Adela? When my last living grandma passed away 5 years ago, I was devastated. Her name was Adela and I told myself that if I were to ever have a daughter I wanted her to be named after my grandma. It was a really popular name in the early 1900's and means noble. Thankfully, Matt liked the name as much as me :)

Do you guys want to have more children? Absolutely. I was raise into a big family. As a little girl, I have always wanted to have 3-4 children. Obviously, it's not something we have control over so whatever God has planned for us in regards to children we leave to Him.

This was fun! If anybody has other questions that I didn't answer, feel free to comment, send me a message, text, email - whichever and if I get enough maybe I'll do these more often! 

Is this real life?

I joined the Instagram community about 4-5 years ago, probably because at the time it was the newest and coolest social networking site/app available. I enjoy capturing moments in my every day life, so I thought why not. When I started, the only people who I followed & followed me back were people that I had some sort of relationship or acquaintance with. Instagram since then has become such a huge outlet for so many businesses, creative mom's, and more. 

In just the past year I have developed new relationships (mostly with mothers) throughout the world, sharing life's experiences. It has also opened amazing opportunities for Rylan and I myself to support and represent some awesome small shops that we love. Of course, with any social networking outlets there are always downfalls, but I chose to focus on the good that has come out of having an Instagram account. With the sudden rush of new followers in the last couple of months I have also been trying very hard in making sure I connect in some way with all of you or those who leave me comments as much as I can, because for me that's been an essential part of showing others that I am no different than the next person. 

__________________________________________________________

About a month ago, a family writer/head of mobile & video section of a french magazine called Magicmaman.com reached out to me asking if they could feature a look of mine on their website. 

Below is a snapshot of the article. It's in French, so I can't read most of it but I feel absolutely grateful for being chosen to be featured. They were interested in capturing my looks during pregnancy & want to feature me again in their September issue after I have given birth. 

If you're interested in seeing the full article, you can go here: Insta Mam (warning, the whole thing is in French) 

#MOMGOALS

The other day, I watched a trailer for a movie coming out in July called Bad Moms. I'm sure there are a handful of you who have also seen it floating around social media websites.

There probably isn't one mom out there who couldn't relate to the movie in some sort of way. 

Whether you're single, engaged, married, divorced, a single parent, SAHM or whatever category you find yourself in - there seems to be this predisposition and unwritten expectation or stereotype you are labeled with from others. 

It's difficult not to be affected by the judgement. I personally am not as concerned with what strangers think of me but more so those closest to me or know me. Family for example, always have their best intentions when giving advise (at least we hope so lol), whether in regards to how to parent your child or what/what not to do during your pregnancy. And although I value their opinions, they are not always the best at communicating it in a way that doesn't come off so critical. I often find myself walking away from those conversations feeling inadequate and hurt. 

While I do strongly believe that we as parents play a huge role in shaping our children into the adults we'd like them to be, I also know that every child is different so there isn't a one size fits all when it comes to parenting styles or strategies. 

"Just like that! Good! Great job dad!" - Rylan (Rylan teaching Matt how to play Avengers on the WII)

Becoming a mother almost 8 years ago, I knew life was going to change for me. I have learned to take each day in stride. A lot of the time I feel like I have failed & then there are those precious moments that you're child does something that you can't help but be so proud & know that you have contributed to that. 

In a culture where parents can get looked down upon for getting their children vaccinated, or get shamed on because God forbid a parent fed their child junk food or something non-organic, or the emphasis on putting them through all the extracurricular activities, among so many other things, it's really difficult sometimes to feel like you're doing a good job at being a parent let alone sometimes just as a human being. 

Both my husband and I work full time jobs, I scramble after work to get our 7 year old to all his extra curricular activities, while being almost 8 months pregnant and still trying to find time to get home and cook a decent meal for my family. Sometimes it's doable, but lately it's been really really hard. By the time we get home, it's nearing Rylan's bed time and I am often just too lazy to cook a more substantial meal - so sometimes that means buying him fast food, or whatever I can find laying around the house (which isn't always the healthiest). Sometimes, we'll go an entire week eating horribly. 

Matt and I are trying to get our finances together so that we can eventually get ourselves into a house, so expenses are often tight - which mean as much as we'd love to, grocery shopping for whatever we can afford means picking unhealthy & non-organic items. That also means, sometimes telling each other no to things we want. Our home is hardly ever perfectly organized or clean, in fact most of the time there is piles of dirty dishes left in the sink, laundry still in the basket needing to be put away, and just crap everywhere. For someone who is a clean/neat freak & OCD it drives me nuts but I also just don't have the energy to be on top of my game in regards to keeping our home clean.  

So, to revert back to the title of this post. What exactly does #momgoals mean? For me it means a mother who is relentless in loving her children/family with all she heart and soul & does the best she can every day. Because at the end of the day, other people's judgement and opinions should be the least of our worries. And if today was a day of failures, we have tomorrow to start over new. 

PS. Just 9 more weeks left! 

Embracing the Journey at 30 Weeks

Today marks 30 weeks & 4 days into my second pregnancy. Meaning, if this girl goes full term, I still have a little under 10 weeks remaining. (I am of course hoping for only 8 weeks lol).

For those that have followed me through my pregnancy journey thus far, know I've been riding this overwhelming roller-coaster of emotions. Just like the weather here in the PNW, my moods can be very night or day. Some days are really good & some days I can barely get through without more than a handful of melt downs. 

Growing a little human is an absolute blessing, there is not a day that goes by that I look down at my growing belly and just feel so happy. But, pregnancy has not at all been a sweet sailing journey. I struggled through every bit of pregnancy symptoms during my first trimester, then came the scare from my OB about our precious girl possibly having down syndrome based on a single spot seen during our first ultrasound (I discuss this in a previous post) - which caused extreme anxiety & worry for me. Now being well into my third trimester, where obvious physical changes are becoming more evident - so many uncontrollable emotions have came full on rushing in. 

Last week, I shared about how I've been struggling with feeling very alone & lonely sometimes and the difficulties I have when it comes to reaching out to others. They haven't disappeared but I'm proud to say that I am better at not always allowing those feelings to eat me up. I've been spending so much alone time with God, and have really allowed Him to take the lead. 

Side story: Lately, Rylan has been really into rubbing, touching, hugging and kissing my belly. Sometimes he will sit next to me (especially when he can tell I'm having a bad day) and he will ask if he can feel her move. This week, he really took to finally talking to her and telling her about his days. Wednesday night, I was just feeling physically crummy and after we got home from his baseball game, the entire family (Matt, Rylan and I) just spent 30 minutes staring at my belly to see if we could see Adela wiggling around, Matt played music for her and literally we just enjoyed each other's company while we entertained this little girl inside of me. I might have felt horrible, but my heart just overflowed with so much love and joy. 

It was that night that I really began to embrace everything about this pregnancy - all the way down to my negative feelings. Everything I was feeling became minuscule. How can I possibly continue feeling bad when even my 7 year old boy can willingly embrace me and my pregnant belly. I see now that God has been using Rylan during this season to be my backbone. He has lifted me up whenever I doubt myself and loves me unconditionally. God has been so good! <3

________________________________________________________________

I also want to share just how talented Rylan has become. I swear that boy is growing up too quickly for me, I can hardly catch my breath sometimes. I get asked a lot who takes my solo pictures. Well sometimes I just use self-timer on my camera, but most of the time it's been Rylan or my husband. And I wanted to share these pictures Rylan beautifully captured of me this week. I mean, perhaps I'm being bias because he's my child - but so be it. 

Behind Closed Doors.

It has taken me about 2-3 weeks to finish writing this post. 

------------------------------------------

I am a fairly private person when it comes to specific areas of my life. As soon as I step outside of my home, I try my best not to let whatever inner struggles I'm going through show - even to those closest to me. Why? Great question, I still ask myself this a lot of times. Most of the time, it's the fear of judgement from others or fear that they wouldn't want to use the time out of their own busy lives to listen to whatever it is I may be going through. Besides, who wants to be around someone who's in a Debbie Downer mood? 

I was born and raised into a very old school/traditional Asian culture causing it to be an emotionally & physically abusive home, where intimidation and fear overpowered any desire for me to talk about my problems. I had a lot of restrictions & feelings weren't allowed to be acknowledged much less talked about. I didn't know it during those times, but because I "couldn't" talk about it, I instead resulted in making many bad decisions and looked for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. All glory & praise to the Lord for saving me from that life. 

Without going into much detail about my past (maybe I can save it for a later post), I dealt with intense depression (which I didn't realize it was that at the time) most of my teenage and young adult life, on my own. No one knew that. I mean sure some of my close friends probably knew I struggled through a couple insecurities and problems, but no one really knew the darkness I went through because I chose to hide it. I yearned so much for other people's love, acceptance and approval that I developed bad habits, thinking it would make me more "desirable" or "likable" and in turn would make me happier, which I of course later realized, it didn't. 

Aside from my amazing husband and my joyful little man - this pregnancy has been such a big light in my life. Every day I am absolutely grateful for this gift that God has showered us with. However, moving into this last trimester has taken it's toll on me emotionally. I've gone through the first two trimesters with mood swings here and there, but lately a lot of negative feelings have invaded my thoughts. Some very similar to ones I've experienced in my past and some new. 

I'm extremely sensitive and many times I get overwhelming feelings of loneliness and sadness. Hardly anyone would probably know this (not even my husband) because just like a lot of things, I've been trying to deal with these feelings on my own. It's really difficult to put into words or describe everything I've been feeling. I can barely get through writing this without breaking down and crying (see what I mean? so emotional). 

But I have to remind myself that I'm not alone in all of this. I can't keep digging myself so far in the dark, leaving me vulnerable to be taken for granted by the enemy. So, even though I've tried to keep running away, I've return to the one who I know has always been there. Asking for His comfort, peace, wisdom & guidance through this time. Which is why I'm bringing this darkness in my life, into the light - not to draw attention to the bad or get sympathy from the world but...

1) to allow the Holy Spirit to enter my heart and help in the healing process 

and 2) to be an example for others, that no matter what is portrayed in social media- everyone goes through things and that it's totally okay when the seasons in our life are just down right hard. 

I am so thankful for the time I've been able to spend with Jesus these last couple of weeks. But also, truly blessed for the couple of individuals I know He has recently placed in my life to help and be there as a testimony for His grace and glory. God is so good. 

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, 
and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.”  - Deuteronomy 33:12

Sunday Funday

After what seemed like a long week of Rylan being gone because he was spring break & spending time with my parents and brother's family, I finally picked him up today. 

There was overcast when I woke up but I knew the sun would come out later in the day & wanted to take Rylan to the park to meet up with a friend. While trying to figure out what to wear, I remembered that I had just received my Pink Blush Maternity dress that I had been wanting to wear. 

I don't own a lot of maternity dresses. Most of the dresses/skirts I own, are just bigger sizes. This particular maternity dress however, is absolutely everything. It has a thick enough material to keep me pretty warm, especially on chillier days like we had today. Not to mention it's got such diversity! If I feel like dressing it down, I can pair it up in sneaks (wish has been my go to these days) or if I want to dress it up I can pair it with some cute booties. 

I highly recommend taking a peek at the Pink Blush website (http://www.shoppinkblush.com). They cater to mommies to be, non-mommies to be & plus wear as well! 

(Dress: Pink Blush Maternity, Shoes: Converse, Jacket: Burlington Coat Factory)

I couldn't help but capture a couple of photos of Rylan during our adventures today. He really is a natural when it comes to the camera (: 

Tiger Stripes

I get a lot of comments about how cute I am pregnant & get questioned about whether or not I even have stretch marks from my first pregnancy let alone during my current one. 

Let me tell you. I have a lot! More than I can count on both my hands. I'm a petite woman standing at only 5 feet (5ft & a half on a good day). My wonderful mother also passed down the genes that gave me thick thighs and calves for days. I gained nearly 60lbs with my first born, so on a petite frame that was a lot for my body to handle in such a short amount of time. 

Towards the end of my pregnancy with Rylan, I had dark stretch marks almost all over my body (or at least that's what it felt like to me). After giving birth, a lot of them faded to my skin tone but up close they were all still there.

This pregnancy is not any different. What may seem "perfect" in pictures is just an illusion. And quite frankly with the number of filters social media provides for us, it's easy to conceal my imperfections. 

BUT, these two pictures below are real untouched photos that show you just some of my stretch marks AKA my tiger stripes. 

It's taken me a long time to learn how to embrace these imperfections. Going through my pregnancy with Rylan and even afterwards, I grew very very insecure about what my body looked like and how unattractive I had become. I'd be lying if I said I don't go through moments of jealousy when I see other moms or even pregnant women who are still in great shape or just look so perfect, because it happens - more often than I wish it did. But what is different this time around, is that I don't allow it to consume me to the point of extreme loss of confidence. 

Tonight, I stared at my growing belly and myself in the mirror. I rubbed my belly, feeling my stretch marks, stared at the stretch marks and cellulite on my thighs, noticed my face getting rounder, giggled at my armpit fat, and analyzed everything else that I wish I didn't have or could change. Then I stopped myself for a second and realized that although those feelings are probably going to be constant during this pregnancy or let's be honest maybe even the rest of my life - I was happy and proud of how my body looked. Not because of the many flaws I could pin point, but because this body of mine with all it's imperfections, this body which God created is housing this absolutely beautiful growing human being and that in itself is something to be thankful for. 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 

your works are wonderful, I know that full well." - Psalm 139:14

Tribal Knit Dress

There's plenty of factors that cause discomfort during pregnancy. I'm sure there are many mommies & current pregnant moms can confirm that. Which is why it's been so important for me to find clothes that are comfortable to move around in, while still being able to look and feel even some what stylish. 

Which is why I fell in love with Pink Blush Maternity. They have such a huge variety of different stylish trends that accommodate and fit for a growing belly. 

What I love most about this dress is that it's something I can still wear post-maternity and honestly guys, the material is so comfortable. It's thick enough to wear on days like today where it was a little a chilly outside but not too thick to cause me to sweat up an ocean when indoors.

AND, what I discovered out of nowhere showing off my dress at work is that this thing has pockets?! I mean, dresses with pockets are always going to be a win for me.

(Top: Pink Blush Maternity, Necklace: F21, Booties: GoJane)

26 Week Update - Yoga Baby

Normally, I dread Mondays - however today had to be one of the best Mondays for our family. After our initial anatomy ultrasound, my OB let me know that Adela was measuring a little small (14th percentile) and wanted me to come back in my 26th week just to re-measure her and make sure she's still looking good. 

Well, thank you Lord because we've got ourselves a healthy & silly baby girl. She's still measuring in the 14th percentile, but she's growing steadily - which is great news. 

There was a lot of anxiety & fear after our first ultrasound - but I've been able to lift up most of that worry in God's hands and truly just enjoy this pregnancy journey. After today's visit, I see what an amazing human He is knitting together inside of me. We are so in love with her, words cannot even capture what we feel. 

When it comes to this mama, it has definitely been more difficult as baby girl takes up more space. I cannot count how many nights that I have mild anxiety attacks because I can't seem to find a comfortable enough position, breathing has now become such a task, leg cramps in the middle of the night have begun. Pelvic pressure is on a whole different level that I do not remember having with Rylan, which is also a culprit in the difficulty I sometimes have when turning in bed and walking around. My face is rounder, hips are getting wider & some days my feet & legs swell up. This past week, insomnia has crept in. I'm hungry all the time because she takes up all the space, so now I'm eating every hour or two. Yes, it's been an off and on whirlwind - but it's also been such a beautiful experience. Even during the days I feel at my worst, my heart is still full of so much joy & adoration for her - most especially when she's doing somersaults. Through the horrible days and great days I am reminded how intricately God created women to house, grow & deliver another living being. 

Expectations vs. Reality

I have reached my 24th week mark! Time has flown by quicker than I thought. It's really been crazy to think about how much Adela has grown looking at the pictures above. 

This is my second pregnancy, so I came into it knowing somewhat to expect - or so I thought. The basics about being pregnant seemed very similar to my experience with Rylan - however this pregnancy has also taken much more of a toll on me and my body than I imagined it would. 

I started off this pregnancy journey fairly active & motivated to stay that way - even set myself a goal to run a 5k in my second trimester. Well, baby girl definitely had her own plans separate from mine. Exhaustion, nausea and fatigue disabled me from working out during my first trimester and although I regained a lot of my energy back during my second trimester (& I have been lucky enough to work out here & there), the addition of lower back pain & pelvic pressure/pains put me at a disadvantage in "training" for the 5k. I was unfortunately not able to run as I was hoping I was going to be able to and to be honest, I was pretty disappointed and discouraged. 

Being so petite, every bit of weight I gain makes a bigger effect on my body than someone with a bigger frame. Eating meals has become difficult as baby girl is taking over the little space I already have and I struggle to breath at times, plus her kicks and punches are getting stronger and stronger every day. 

I feel guilty for complaining, for feeling insecure about my body, for being disappointed that I don't have half as much of energy to work out more effectively as other moms I see on social networking sites. I am happy about this pregnancy. I feel so blessed. No matter how I'm feeling about myself, I love every single cell of her being. I am beyond grateful for the miracle of life God is carefully piecing together inside me, but I also have my struggles. 

But I'm getting there, slowly. I'm almost at the point where I'm learning to accept that I can't always control what happens in the end much less the journey (no matter how much I wish I could). Yes, I had expectations & goals on how I thought this pregnancy would go, but the truth is, reality is almost always going to turn out differently. I really am thoroughly enjoying every minute of this journey despite the road bumps along the way. 

On a side note, we get to see baby girl in a week and a half for some more measurements to make sure she is growing big and strong. We can't wait! Prayer is much appreciated for baby girl. 

Questions with Rylan

I've seen a few of my mama friends share their kids' answers to questions about their mom/parent & so I thought I'd make it even more fun by video taping Rylan answering the same questions. 

We were able to utilize the amazing weather today by video taping this outside, and we had so much fun! 

Surviving Life

It's Friday evening & I'm spending a little bit of time on here, before I start some reading before calling it a night. 

Everyone in my house hold is asleep, including our Corgi & it barely turned 9 o'clock. I'm actually surprised I'm still up. As I gaze at my husband fast asleep to my right, I reflect on quite the week we've had. 

Last Friday, our apartment got broken into. Getting off work early only to come home to find your home violated was not how I wanted to start my weekend. They didn't steal much, but the few items they did take were sentimental gifts. But at the end of the day, we are grateful we weren't home when it happened and that we were all safe. I can't deny that all of us haven't been on edge all week, when it comes to feeling safe in our home. Falling asleep has been difficult as every little sound I hear freaks me out. Thankfully, Matt works for AT&T and was able to get a security system installed, which happened today in fact. Crazy how much of a difference that makes on the protection I feel just knowing we have it. We continue to pray for whoever broke in our home. For God to forgive them & for God to give them a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus so that they can be empowered by His Spirit rather than the devil. 

20 weeks down, 20 more to go

We're having a baby girl!

All of us are so excited to be welcoming home Adela Grace this summer. Anyone who knows me, knows how badly I've been wanting a baby girl. 

The joy we feel about this huge blessing is overwhelming. We really can't wait to meet her. My OB did bring up a couple of things to our attention to be aware of. Baby is currently measuring in the 14% percentile which is a little small, however she did assure us that I may just be one of those women who carries smaller babies, or it could also be due to the fact that my current estimated due date is a few days off. I have another ultrasound scheduled during my 26th week just to make sure baby is still growing appropriately. Another very small concern she had while they were monitoring the heart is a spot that lit up that can sometimes be associated with Down Syndrome. There were no other abnormalities that they saw & was almost certain that the spot was just a normal variant. She did offer us the chance to get genetic testing if we wanted to confirm. After having a discussion with Matt & praying about it, we decided to opt out of any testing. We knew from the beginning that we wanted to have this baby no matter what ailments she may have & that has never changed. Our baby, no matter if she comes out "normal" (I dislike that word) or with some kind of disability, we would love and adore with all of our hearts. She is God's greatest gift to us, and we do not see her any other way. 

So, we ask for prayers. Prayers for our hearts, to not be consumed with anxiousness or fear but instead be filled with encouragement and peace knowing that our baby is in God's hands who knows all and has purpose for everything. 

This is not something Matt & I want to focus our attention on. Actually, up until writing this post I almost forgot all about it. We want to keep moving forward celebrating this beautiful life growing inside of me. 

With that said, check out these pictures my brother took for us this past weekend. We struggled through the pouring rain, wind & cold weather and didn't get all the shots we wanted to get but I think they still turned out pretty fabulous. 

Wedding Trailer + Quick Marriage Update

I have watched this video more than a handful of times and each time I cry. One regret I have from that day is that I didn't allow myself to enjoy it enough. Trying not to get caught up in the little details and how you want things to follow through is hard, especially with how my brain works. But I am grateful that we have amazing photos and this video to remind us of how perfect the day was. 

I've been married for almost 5 months now and I'll be completely honest and admit that we've past the honeymoon stage. There are definitely challenging moments. But they are good challenging moments. Arguments are sparse but when they happen, we have managed by the guidance of God to successfully work through them together. We learn every day that it's hard work, and it's not always just about being happy or making each other happy - which we've realized has been such an important lesson for us. Every day, I learn more and more about myself as his wife and the ways I can serve him rather than always expecting him to "serve" me. I also feel grateful that as we've started on our journey in marriage we've had an amazing community group full of other newly wed couples and amazing couple as our mentor. We are beyond blessed, and are absolutely excited for the new chapter in our marriage that God is currently preparing us for. 

Pregnancy Anxiety

In a world where so much caution is placed on pregnant woman about how to take care of our bodies and the growing human inside of us because of all the risks & dangers that can happen inside the womb, I think it only makes sense how much my anxiety has gone up since we found out about baby. 

Although, I don't at all remember freaking out too much about baby's health when I was pregnant with Rylan. This one for sure though, I am constantly wondering how s/he is doing. 

Despite the fact that I can pretty much ask my co-worker to listen to baby at work, I went and bought my own fetal doppler to relieve some of my at home anxiety. Let me tell you, it has been absolutely lovely. Not only does it lift so much anxiety BUT it gives both Matt and I the opportunity to listen to baby every day. 

One of the best purchases so far during this pregnancy.