Today marks 30 weeks & 4 days into my second pregnancy. Meaning, if this girl goes full term, I still have a little under 10 weeks remaining. (I am of course hoping for only 8 weeks lol).
For those that have followed me through my pregnancy journey thus far, know I've been riding this overwhelming roller-coaster of emotions. Just like the weather here in the PNW, my moods can be very night or day. Some days are really good & some days I can barely get through without more than a handful of melt downs.
Growing a little human is an absolute blessing, there is not a day that goes by that I look down at my growing belly and just feel so happy. But, pregnancy has not at all been a sweet sailing journey. I struggled through every bit of pregnancy symptoms during my first trimester, then came the scare from my OB about our precious girl possibly having down syndrome based on a single spot seen during our first ultrasound (I discuss this in a previous post) - which caused extreme anxiety & worry for me. Now being well into my third trimester, where obvious physical changes are becoming more evident - so many uncontrollable emotions have came full on rushing in.
Last week, I shared about how I've been struggling with feeling very alone & lonely sometimes and the difficulties I have when it comes to reaching out to others. They haven't disappeared but I'm proud to say that I am better at not always allowing those feelings to eat me up. I've been spending so much alone time with God, and have really allowed Him to take the lead.
Side story: Lately, Rylan has been really into rubbing, touching, hugging and kissing my belly. Sometimes he will sit next to me (especially when he can tell I'm having a bad day) and he will ask if he can feel her move. This week, he really took to finally talking to her and telling her about his days. Wednesday night, I was just feeling physically crummy and after we got home from his baseball game, the entire family (Matt, Rylan and I) just spent 30 minutes staring at my belly to see if we could see Adela wiggling around, Matt played music for her and literally we just enjoyed each other's company while we entertained this little girl inside of me. I might have felt horrible, but my heart just overflowed with so much love and joy.
It was that night that I really began to embrace everything about this pregnancy - all the way down to my negative feelings. Everything I was feeling became minuscule. How can I possibly continue feeling bad when even my 7 year old boy can willingly embrace me and my pregnant belly. I see now that God has been using Rylan during this season to be my backbone. He has lifted me up whenever I doubt myself and loves me unconditionally. God has been so good! <3
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I also want to share just how talented Rylan has become. I swear that boy is growing up too quickly for me, I can hardly catch my breath sometimes. I get asked a lot who takes my solo pictures. Well sometimes I just use self-timer on my camera, but most of the time it's been Rylan or my husband. And I wanted to share these pictures Rylan beautifully captured of me this week. I mean, perhaps I'm being bias because he's my child - but so be it.
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