myFLETCHlife.

It's been a long time. I feel as though I abandoned my little place here. But hey, I'm back - for now at least. 

I just need to get this off my chest and be honest with myself. There is not a day that goes by where I feel like I have failed as a mother to Rylan. While I know I'm probably not the first nor the only mom who thinks of themselves this way, I sure like to put that pressure on myself like I am. If I really think about it, where did I get the idea that I'd be anywhere near perfect to raising a son, when I myself am made up of  my own share of flaws. How do I think I can really do this thing called parenting on my own? Oh right, it's engraved in us - this sinful act of pride that tells us we need only to rely on ourselves. 

But I don't believe in that, at least not at the core of my heart. 

Rylan is an energetic and kind hearted little boy. And nothing breaks my heart more than when he misbehaves and I find myself scolding him till tears fill his eyes and he struggles to breath from crying too hard. His intention is never to hurt me or to do wrong, just like I never intentionally want to be disobedient to God. But it's in those moments where my expectations of his immediate obedience and to listen after the first time of telling him to do something, that I loose all sight of what God's never-ending grace should teach me. Looking at the big picture, I too have a rebellious heart like him towards our Father Almighty. I learn more and more every day that there is nothing I can do to earn His love or acceptance. He is our righteousness. Yet, when it comes to my own son, I set up these ridiculous expectations. An example of just how broken I am and how much I need His guidance in raising Rylan. 

I am so thankful for His example as our perfect father. A reminder of the grace and love I need to extend to Rylan in times of failure. To continue praying for him and with him for both of our sins and not just his. 

"God doesn't promise our children's salvation in response to our obedience, because he never encourages self-reliance. It would be against God's character to give us a promise that our children will be saved if we raise them in a certain way. That would mean that he was telling us to trust in something other than Christ and his grace and mercy. he would be encouraging us to trust in ourselves, and God never does that. The way of the Lord is always a way of faith - faith in his goodness, mercy, and love. Our faith is to be in him, not in ourselves. "