Is that a "Christian" thing?

I've quoted Christian because I feel like that can and has been interchangeable with Catholic or religion.

Matt and I have had this question asked pretty often, not just from non-believers but believers as well. Usually, pertaining to the choice we made to whole heartily follow Christ and head towards a different path with our relationship in regards to cohabiting and celibacy.

This question normally gets brought up when people realize or find out not only that Matt and I are not living together or having sex, but that we once were and are no longer. It can be a difficult question to answer, because really it's not a "Christian", "Catholic" or even a "religion" thing. It's rather a choice to honor God.

I think most people, if they reflect deep enough on how they choose to live their life, can say it revolves around honoring something or someone in some way. For the non-believers, it could be their parents and the morals/values they were taught, their occupation, their race, their family, their spouse or significant other, positive energy, themselves and the list can go on. And for those who are believers, it is or at least should be God. ("And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." - Colossians 3:17) The decisions I try to make for my life is centered around what will honor and glorify God. Now, I bold try because the world is broken and we are all imperfect, therefore not every attempt has been or will be successful. But I do not have to be ashamed of my failures, because I rely on an awesome God who redeems me, so long as I lift myself up to him. If I am to do my best to honor God with my life, my life should have a specific direction to it which will be polar opposite of the direction life was before I knew Jesus.

I'm not great with words, and often times my mind is working twice the speed of how quickly I come up with words to say, so I want to share something I came across over a year ago that struck me hard and ultimately pushed me even more to chose God over my desires of the flesh.

"Although most of the unbelieving world does not have a problem with couples living together outside of marriage, the Bible has much to say about this type of situation. God calls us to live in the world but not live like the world. Living together before marriage is commonly accepted these days but that does not mean Christians need to partake in liberal promiscuous lifestyles. Even if you were not going to partake in a sexual relationship together, others most likely would perceive that you are, and it would be damaging to your testimony and might also cause others to stumble. 

Living together outside of marriage might cause some people to think that it is okay for Christians to live together without a marriage covenant, but sex before marriage, fornication, is a sin and must be avoided. 

Marriage was instituted and designed by God. His design for relationships is at the heart of marriage, which involves companionship and intimacy, a full commitment blessed by the Lord. We must be respectful of His teachings and realize that what He commands is best for us. 

It is best to wait and live together only under the sanctity of a marriage covenant blessed by God. Be respectful of Him and honor your partner by being true to God's Word. The way we live our lives is a reflection of our true character and the depth of our devotion to the Lord and His principles. " 

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God. - Thessalonians 4: 3-5 

Now, does all of this make me better than the next person? Saved or not, I am no way proclaiming righteousness over others. I am not any more sinless than those who don't believe or even care for God, but when I do sin I immediately repent of it, confess it to God and stop. The world is ever so changing, but God's word, commands, and promises are just as much true now than they were from the beginning.

"A Christian isn't better than a non-Christian. He's just better off. A person who has to jump out of a plane and wearing a parachute is no better than a person without a parachute. He's just better off. The difference will be seen when they jump... Jesus warned that if we 'jump' into death without Him, we would perish. " (fillthevoid.org)

Matt and I's journey to a God-centered future individually and together has been challenging, to say the least - but we joyfully continue to be sanctified in our faith knowing we have such a loving and merciful God.

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I don't know where you are in your life, no idea the struggles, sorrows or season of testing you are going through. My post might have sparked something inside you that has caused you to want to turn from sin and accept Jesus as your savior for the first time, or it could have done the complete opposite, but I want to end with this bible verse.

"We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God, and are called according to his purpose. For God knew his people in advance, and he decided that they would conform to the image of his Son..." - James 8: 28-29

For the love of running.

Remember in elementary school when they would make you run a mile and see how fast you could run it? You know the kid that almost always finished last? Well, that kid was probably me. The chubby little Mae did not at all enjoy running, actually I hated it. 

I've been reflecting on the past year, and the journey I've been excitingly on with running, and it has been surreal. I would have never pictured myself to be that person who not only ran frequently, but to be someone who truly enjoys running. It has been an amazing outlet for me to spend some time with myself and with God. Working full time, being a full time mother to my amazing son, and preparing for my wedding in September has left me very little down time. 

When I started running back in August of 2014, my avg per mile was 14 minutes. Now? The fastest as been 9:56. Now, that is no where near as fast as some of the runners out there but it sure does feel good to see the improvement. Every run, no matter if it's a 5k or a half marathon has been such a great accomplishment. 

With that said, my motivation has been greatly influenced by my biggest fan and husband to be, Matt. He has been there at every run, pushing me and encouraging me through every process. In a world that loves to shine the light on the "stars" of the show, often leaving their supporters in the dark - Matt should be the one under that spot light. He has been my rock in all aspects of my life but most importantly in my faith. And it's because of my faith that I am able to make it through some of the harder runs I've done. 

"Keep running the race that is set before you with endurance." Hebrews 12:1

Extrovert turned Introvert.

As a little girl, I wanted to talk and interact with every person I came across. Perhaps a little too trustworthy of the world that surrounded me, but I was definitely full of high spirits. 

Unfortunately, the physical/emotional abuse I went through going into middle school and high school definitely took away my high spirited and fun loving personality. My last year of high school, being a part of my hip hop dance team sort of forced me to get out of my comfort zone & be a little bit more open again. 

Insecurities pushed me to make very poor & regretful decisions when it came to friendships and relationships - because I yearned to feel accepted, loved, cool, special etc. I allowed myself to be influenced by what was worldly acceptable just so I could feel pretty, fit in, feel included, feel love,  & accepted. Goodness, if I could only have traveled back into time and confronted myself even 5-6 years ago how wrong my way of thinking was. 

My point is - last night Matt & I went out to celebrate a friend of ours' birthday - and it made me realize how much more introverted I've become - at least in the night life aspect. The thrill of the that lifestyle has long passed me. The idea of sitting at home in front of a fire place, drinking a glass of wine or tea, reading a book just sounds so much appealing. Or even just being in community with friends and family. 

Moments like those, I feel so grateful that Jesus saved me when he did and yet also blessed for the lessons he taught through those years.

Romans 5:3-4 says "We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope." 

I know now that God's approval is the only one who we should yearn for, and the great news is that through the work of Jesus' ultimate sacrifice - He is able to shower those who believe with an abundance of love and goodness - that you or I haven't had to work to get nor will we ever have to. 

We're engaged!

It's crazy to me, that you can be impatiently waiting for that day to come when he finally asks you the question, but the moment it finally happens all these unexpected emotions explode and you don't know how to express them except to cry. 

There isn't too many people in my circle of friends who wasn't aware of the anxiety I brought upon myself, worried that the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with didn't feel the same way about me. 

The enemy took advantage of my negative thoughts more than a handful of times and used it for his benefit, by focusing on the bad rather than the promises God has given me. 

But as always, He prevails. I'm so glad that our special moment was captured, but even then it only captures a little part of how happy I really am. Matt is truly a God given gift to Rylan and I. I know he will be a great leader as a husband and as a second father to Rylan and our future children. Never in my life did I imagine that this is where I'd be. If you had asked me 4 years ago where I thought I'd be, my answers would be full of loss hope - but God had such bigger plans for me, for us. We know this road we've decided to start will not be an easy one to take, we will be tested more than we'd like but still, I am so excited to see what amazing things God has planned for our future. 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

It's been a long time. I feel as though I abandoned my little place here. But hey, I'm back - for now at least. 

I just need to get this off my chest and be honest with myself. There is not a day that goes by where I feel like I have failed as a mother to Rylan. While I know I'm probably not the first nor the only mom who thinks of themselves this way, I sure like to put that pressure on myself like I am. If I really think about it, where did I get the idea that I'd be anywhere near perfect to raising a son, when I myself am made up of  my own share of flaws. How do I think I can really do this thing called parenting on my own? Oh right, it's engraved in us - this sinful act of pride that tells us we need only to rely on ourselves. 

But I don't believe in that, at least not at the core of my heart. 

Rylan is an energetic and kind hearted little boy. And nothing breaks my heart more than when he misbehaves and I find myself scolding him till tears fill his eyes and he struggles to breath from crying too hard. His intention is never to hurt me or to do wrong, just like I never intentionally want to be disobedient to God. But it's in those moments where my expectations of his immediate obedience and to listen after the first time of telling him to do something, that I loose all sight of what God's never-ending grace should teach me. Looking at the big picture, I too have a rebellious heart like him towards our Father Almighty. I learn more and more every day that there is nothing I can do to earn His love or acceptance. He is our righteousness. Yet, when it comes to my own son, I set up these ridiculous expectations. An example of just how broken I am and how much I need His guidance in raising Rylan. 

I am so thankful for His example as our perfect father. A reminder of the grace and love I need to extend to Rylan in times of failure. To continue praying for him and with him for both of our sins and not just his. 

"God doesn't promise our children's salvation in response to our obedience, because he never encourages self-reliance. It would be against God's character to give us a promise that our children will be saved if we raise them in a certain way. That would mean that he was telling us to trust in something other than Christ and his grace and mercy. he would be encouraging us to trust in ourselves, and God never does that. The way of the Lord is always a way of faith - faith in his goodness, mercy, and love. Our faith is to be in him, not in ourselves. "